CT - Step1.6: It´s not all just unicorns and butterflies 🦄 🦋

All the happenings in these chapters make my experience look like I fulfilled the typical „#travellife“ - the best ever. And I am not gonna lie - I can answer with yes, as boring as it seems. As obvious or fake. Still, I will be authentic with you guys.

Sometimes it`s fucking terrible. For real guys. Do you meet amazing human people and see the mesmerizing wonders of nature and culture? Fucking yes. But do you also have to experience situations, moments and feelings of discomfort, disagreeing believes and even pain? Also fucking yes. Beautiful encounter and cockroaches? Yep. Stunning beaches and bad sleep in dirty hostels? You got it. Intense gratitude and the feeling of shame to stand on one site of a big gap in difference of lifequality? Oh yes.

So I wanted to stay real and share these moments with you as well.

Between my capetown routine, that became: meeting my friends (3 german girls and one of them I met in Barcelona, that visited me), drink coffee, go to see nice sunsets, get drinks in a bar, hit the gym and have breakfast in the conscious kitchen. It was nice and felt like a super privileged holiday. People in germany facing cold, snow, short days, monday mornings in offices, daily routines and structure & we posted cold drinks at the pool and stunning sunset beach moments.

I extended my stay in capetown again because my friend and me - we planned to do the garden route (shortly) and arrive in Jeffreys Bay in the surfhostel together. We couldn’t manage to get a good moment and car rental offer at the same time. Meaning we had 4 more days to stay in capetown. I knew I didn’t wanted to stay in the hostel in greenpoint, because even the dorms were fancy (AC, own place for stuff, no cockroaches), I prefered the vibe in Longstreet; the hostel in that you couldn’t charge your phone in the bedroom and showered with baby cockroaches.

First world problem we had here - I know. My friend said she is fine if we go to the Longstreet hostel and I knew she didn’t liked the idea. We still hesitated that day to decide and in the end with a drink in blondies, we booked it. So we checked in and went for coffee. My friend started not feeling very well and we thought maybe she should just lay down in the hostel already.

But she went later and decided to rest for the afternoon and not join the beach. So the rest of the group went to the beach and we enjoyed reaggeton, sun, ocean, shared thoughts and another stunning sunset between the mountains and the sea. We went back and my friend wasn’t feeling better so we thought she should eat and maybe get some fresh air. I cooked and we ate together in the common area and finished laughing together. At some point she went to bed and we stayed downstairs to eat, smoke and talk.

After smoking weed I reached the moment that I craved banana with peanutbutter. That is what lead me into the first traumatic event of that night. Entering the kitchen - a big cockroach just crawled out of it, facing towards me, moving in the typical most disgusting way that these bastards just move. I walked away and stepped on the bench and alarmed everyone around me of the danger that appeared. To my disappointment, no one seemed to understand the seriousness and extent of the horror of this situation.

Everyone was just like “yeah there is a cockroach” and I asked them friendly to just do everything in their power and abilities to kill it. Finally one stepped on it and after 10 more minutes on the bench and asking if it is really dead, I could get more chilled. I don´t know why, but I am really traumatized with these creatures.

I believe that satan himself sent them to earth for humanity to pay for their sins. They can crawl, fly, dive, survive 6 days without head. I explained my trauma to the group and asked my friend to check if the kitchen is clear for me to go. A bit of talking and chilling together later, there was a 2. cockroach (a smaller one) on the wall. Again someone saved our life by stepping on it. At some point I knew I wanted to go to sleep, even unsure if possible after gaining the awareness of the presence of so many of them in that hostel. A friend there had his last evening, as he would go to the airport early the next morning. I looked to find him to say goodbye before sleeping.

Going finally up to bed after not finding his room and also filled with the sensation of fear in my body and being high as fuck - because a guy from SA convinced you that it is a good decision. I came to the room and found my friend feeling super bad, having high fever and just be miserably sick. I was so overhelmed because the cockroaches and fighting against them took all of my “dealing with discomforting situations abilities”. I felt bad for being high in that situation because I needed to find the best way to provide her help. The best help I could get.

I asked her how exactly she felt, what she needed, what I could do or say. I tried to understand what could help her, I went downstairs back to the group and asked for help and a small towel with cold water or ice. A guy that we spend time with and stayed in our dorm came with me to offer all his help - which I was so grateful for in that situation.

She went in the lower bunkbed, we got a fan, medicine, a cable for the phone and a pot if she gets nauseous. I honestly just wanted her to be good and knew its going to be a hard night for us. As all not enough, whenever I climbed up my bed, my friend said „Maunzi there is a cockroach in the room“ - and I just thought „fuck my life I just want to stop existing“. It was a small one (we had whole big families of them in that hostel). Me, high and at my limits of anxiety and stress, going down my bed, putting on my flipflops and chasing the cockroachy to the bathroom and step on it.

In these moments, I thought about the comfort and safety that I had in routines and spaces at home - and I missed it. We have to face the dark to see the light. And vice versa. Ok guys I am going to sleep with mosquitoes around my face, the sound of the washing machine in my ears and the worries about my friend in my heart. Sleep well ❤️

next day….

And fucking hell it was one of the worst nights ever. After finally going to bed and not being able to sleep due to all the conditions, a girl started to go through our room to the toilet (it was the only bathroom for 8 beds) and puked. She was very drunk and went to the bathroom with a very loud door. Also whenever she went down from her bunkbed the metal ladder hits the metal frame of the bed, which is also causing a beautiful sound.

She went to the bathroom and back to bed maybe 10-15 times between 01 a.m. and 04 a.m. For me, not being sick and having fever - this was hell. You feel like everyone around is miserable. I heard the fever whining of my friend and the throwing up sounds of that girl and thought „this is hell“.

At some point I googled hotels which give the opportunity to check in, in the middle of the night, but there wasn’t such a thing. I went out of the room to another bathroom to pee and then sat down on the stairs (4 a.m.) with the friend from our room that saved our life and supported us so much this night. We asked ourselves: “What´s the reason of this experience that the universe gives us?“ Maybe we don’t understand now, but will be useful for something. I went back to the dorm and the drunk girl was sleeping finally.

I think in the end I could manage to sleep 2hours and my friend didn’t. That’s why we booked an expensive private room in the other hostel snd checked out again.

In the end I can say despite all these stories that give so second thoughts about your lifedecisions - I still feel grateful to make all of them. The good ones and the „bad“ ones. The sensation of joy and the fear of not knowing how to go to the next step. The unconditional acceptance of strangers and new friends and the anxiety of a cockroach in your room keeping you awake to actually write this text here.